you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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