Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
