It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
