I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
