i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
