I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
