how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
why is half of my head shaved?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
