Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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