I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
