Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
