guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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