I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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