Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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