so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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