That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
