nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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