he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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