I murdered the dance floor call the cops
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
