WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
