Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
