I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
