big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
