when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
nutella sex= disaster
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
