Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
