She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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