road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
