bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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