it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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