well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
