i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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