i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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