is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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