I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
