he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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