Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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