she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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