I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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