Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
