I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
