I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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