You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
