Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
