So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Randomize
