whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
