I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
