tell your sister to shave her snatch
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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