Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
