My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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