..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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