U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
