Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
BRING THE BAGELS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
