Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
