I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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