everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
