I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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