Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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